Sunday, March 21, 2010

Hard-Ass People

A lot of things have been going on in the last couple of days...

My Grandfather is in hospital once again, weaker than ever, the cancer is overtaking him and he's getting too tired to fight. His heart failed. The doctor says that he can die at any moment.
If I could go back in time, I'd go back to spend more time with my late grandfather, who died two years ago. I wouldn't have taken the time I had with him for granted... I can't change that.
My dad's father doesn't have long left, and I would love to spend some heart-aching quality time with him (no matter how much it hurts) but my dad won't let us.
My dad doesn't want us to see him now, while he's at his weakest, because he believes if his dad see's us all around his hospital bed, he'll realize we're saying our goodbyes; and have nothing left to fight for.

My heart goes out to every other soul in this world that has ever felt the way I do right now.. because it is torturous; and one of the most painful moments of my life - realizing that someone in my family is dying right now, is in agony right now, and there is nothing that I can do to help. I can only wait.......

The one thing that I need right now, that I couldn't ever ask anyone for, is for someone's arms to wrap around me safe and tight, and just let me cry.
I have never felt this weak. Its strange... because on the outside, I look like the strongest I've ever been, yet inside, I'm giving up hope.

- I guess if you think about all the hard-ass people in the world; sure they look strong and bold, but most of them are emotionally destroyed; like me.

So maybe I'm not so different.

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