Wednesday, March 10, 2010

A Moment in Time


My nights seem restless, uneven; due to my crepuscular kitten.
4am he wakes, ready to pounce and play.

My working days have now become a fighting struggle to stay awake, and by the time I lock up shop, the concentration it takes to drive home drains me of the last drop of life I have in me.
The days are becoming blurred and in a sense, while I am in a moment I can feel my mind fighting to remember the scene as a memory already, something that I should not consciously notice.

The signs are cognizable to me, I know what this means... and I will not let the darkness carry me away again.
I pulled myself out of my black abyss a long time ago, and I refuse to fall back into it with bended knees.

I have to abstain myself from the temptation of giving in. The darkness is comforting, quiet and surreal; yet petrifying, isolating and deathly at the same time.

This is not the kittens fault. His little blue eyes and high pitched squeal makes it impossible to stay annoyed with him. No. This I had felt creeping back to me long before the kitten came into the picture.

I will not let it take over my life as it has done many times before.
A surge of glee rushes through my body like ocean waves, as I realize I am fighting the urge to fall back into the blackness (not yielding), for the first time.
For the first time I feel myself controlling my own life. It is as if I have finally seen the smallest twinkling glint in the distance; something to pull me through this moment of weakness.

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Jade