Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Only Time Will Tell

With finally a night alone, I have decided to dedicate it to creating my own blog site. Although not particularly good at this right now, I'll get the hang of it eventually!

Feeling pretty pensive tonight. Have far too much on my mind for it to be comforting. Along with a glass of ice cold water and a mini magnum ice cream, I have found refuge in my room.
My new kitten which I named Stryker, has been outside in the nice, cool breeze for over half an hour, stalking the chickens in their den.

Glad for it to finally be nightfall after the refulgent and hideously hot day, my mind is spinning with thoughts of the future.

This always happens to me, I come to realize. Nights alone always result in my thoughts carrying me away into a world of worries and nerves.

They are just every day worries, such as if all the things I could have done this year would have been better for me.
Whether or not rejecting my acceptance to the ICA chef program, forgetting about studying Journalism and running scared from my idea of starting fresh in England actually would have been the right decisions to have made.

Instead I found a good job and a college in Knysna that I will be joining soon to study makeup art, reflexology and massage. I got to stay in the town I know, experiencing little new and able to see my boyfriend whenever I like without having to worry about things such as distance. We are building our own flat which will be ready in a couple of months, we got a kitten together (Stryker) and we are happier than ever before.

- That all sounds amazing, a fairytale... But who knows how it will plan out?
As for now, I don't know what the right decision was. Only time will tell.

Here I thought creating a blog would get my mind off of this overwhelming topic, yet all it has done is shove its way into another part of my life. Fantastic!
As if I'm not feeling vindictive enough about other certain things, now I'm feeling vindictive against my own over-crowded and jumbled up thoughts too!
I wish I could stop thinking of these things and just live my life day by day, but I guess I'm at that age now where it is something continually on your mind and worrying you.

Enough for tonight; it is too hot to think clearly and I notice I am making something I hope to be elaborate into something quite confusing, scrambled and utterly boring.

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Jade