Thursday, August 11, 2011

Seize the Day

I don't really know how to start a piece of writing so morbid, so emotional... In that case I guess that the thing to do would be to get straight to the point.

For those of you that follow my blog and read the daily shenanigans of my life, you should know that I recently got a job in the hotel industry.
Having worked there for just over a month, I thought that everything was finally coming together. I started planning to rejoin the gym, save up for my trip to Thailand with my boyfriend next year, buy a new surfboard as I have improved and other proactive things.

Yesterday (the 10th August 2011) would seem to me now one of the worst days of my life. It started off good, my boyfriend wrote on my facebook wall, telling me how in love with me he is. We had just celebrated our five month anniversary together, seemingly small but still a proud and happy day for the both of us. The weather was good and I was smiling.
Then suddenly a fight with an agent at work stirred in the air and the day turned sour.

For a couple of days, the bosses had been expecting me to waitress and make guests their coffee etc as they were understaffed. Suddenly it became my problem and the other girls problem that had applied to work here as a receptionist, not as a servant.
I didn't really have a problem with that. I realize that in the hotel industry, when it is busy you must help where-ever you can, no matter what your job title is.
However, I do think that they should be more organized and employ more staff to do that sort of job though.

On making coffee for guests, I had no idea where everything was. Hot chocolate was stored in a white ice cream bucket, but how was I to know? It seemed as though the bosses suddenly expected me to know the ins and outs of the business, but no one had helped or told me anything before.
I had no idea where things were or how to do certain tasks now suddenly required of me.

Returning back to the awful agent crisis; the boss phoned me from upstairs and told me that she wanted to see me before I left for the day.
I knew then and there that something was off. As soon as 4pm ticked onto the clock I slowly and unwillingly crept up the ancient rickety staircase leading up to her office.
Upon entering the office, where I had been employed only a month prior, I saw that my boss held a sealed envelope in her hand.
I stared at her, waiting for her to put me out of my misery.
She began with, "I'm very sorry, Jade..." though she did not look sorry at all. Those four little words were all I needed to understand what was happening.
She told me that I did not have enough experience in the hotel industry for their establishment... which I ifnd quite unfair as they had my curriculum vitae and knew that fact at the beginning of employing me.

Tears of shame, anger, humiliation and worthlessness stung my eyes and I tried to wipe them away furiously but I just couldn't keep it together.

I feel so useless....... Like a complete failure.

I know it will get better. I know everyone says that everything happens for a reason and that when one door closes, another one opens.... but everything just seems so hopeless at the moment.

I know that I can't give up, that would be the worst thing to do. Its so hard though.
Everything had finally seemed almost perfect in my life, everything seemed to be coming together... but it all got ripped out from under me and I landed face down in the dirt once again.

The worst part of all is that they are making me work both today and tomorrow. I find that cruel and unfair. Who does that to someone with a smile on their face?
They let you go, but make you come back in your humiliation and complete two days when you aren't really even needed. What it is, is simply torture!

I am trying my utmost to put on a brave face and get through these next two days.
I am trying to conjure up the strength but it is so hard. I know I have to though, because if I walk out and end things on a bad note, it will follow me.
I need to try and keep professional for the next two days as hard as it may be because this town is so small, I cannot risk it jepardizing any hopes for future jobs.

I realize that I need to be the better person and thank them for the opportunity that they gave me and walk away happily.

I was completely distraught yesterday and cried all night long.
My family was absolutely amazing. My mother bought me flowers and wiped away my tears, my dad stuck up for me and told me he will sort it out and would always look after me and my brother, dear Leonard, sat me down at 10pm and just spoke to me about the time that he was in a bad financial situation.
I think they finally realize that I really am trying and unfortunately I am failing. They were always a bit hard on me in the past, but now that they have seen how much I wanted this job (or any job at all,) and it did not work out, they are finally reminding me of their support and love no matter what.

I am so blessed to have such amazing people in my life and that is all that matters. At the end of the day, work isn't going to be the one caring for you, your friends and family are.
There are always chances and opportunities, so when they arise you have to seize the moment.

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Jade