Friday, March 23, 2012
I haven't blogged in while.
Life has been chaos.
Firstly I should start with the exciting news that I found my new home!
I have been house hunting for a while now and every time I think I have found 'The One,' something falls through and I end up back at square one.
At the beginning of the week I decided to look at one more place... and I am so happy that I did.
It is perfect.
It is all fenced with an electric gate, a gorgeous lush green garden for the dogs to enjoy; the bedroom all pure white, en-suite with a shower and bath and it is carpeted!
The room leads out to its own little private courtyard, shaded by a beautiful weaver nest ridden tree - I can just imagine sitting out there in the early mornings before work having my coffee... painting all day long on my easel on my days off while humming along to the beautiful sound of Jack Johnson....
The kitchen is small but just what I need, connecting to a huge lounge / dining area, also all pure white and carpeted. It is just so spacious and open, I cannot believe how lucky I am to have found such a great rental in Knysna.
There is a double garage that I have decided to convert into a chill-out lounge, which will hold our pool table etc so that the actual house can have more space.
Upon finding a house, I also found the most adorable little kittens needing homes from the Knysna Animal Welfare.
They are two female's and I pick up my new furry companions first thing tomorrow!
Names have yet to be decided but I have a list of about 20 choices.
Life is headed for a big change :)
Below are some of the incredible ideas that I got from pintrest that I would really like to incorporate into my own home, enjoy!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Today's entry is a slightly more personal one.
For a while now I've been at war with myself, trying to find the balance on being who I am, who I always will be and who I've always known I can be.
Sometimes I just don't feel like a good enough person - not in the depressing sense, but soul wise. I want to feel like I am doing more for this world. I want to help people and be a more gentle, considerate person; but how do you change how you've been programmed to be? How do you train your mind to think another way?
I wish I believed in myself and thought I was enough... but I think a part of me will always be in doubt. That doubtfulness is what makes me so vulnerable and takes away my chances of being good enough because I don't believe that I can be!
You know when you see someone smile and they have the most pure smile of complete happiness and serenity? That's what I want.
I know you should never compare your life to someone else's because you do not know their story. I know that - but I can't help but feel like I am not doing enough.
Its small things, like chatting to my family more, helping out around the house, going to church, connecting with God, being at peace, helping others... just to feel like another person could really trust me and come to me with their dilemma's. I want to be reliable and soft... instead I've built this wall around me that is so high and so unbreakable that I don't know how to get over it.
I've been reading Rumi, M. Scott. Peck, Eckhaart Tolle... for a while each book seems to enlighten me - but how do you get it to stay this way?
I asked someone I love dearly to give me their thoughts on my situation and they simply said that I'm at the stage in my life where I want to know life's meaning, my life meaning... I want to find my place.
I couldn't help but think that its like playing chess. You get put onto this big board I'd like to call the world, with blocks to step into on your own accord, all differently situated with dangers.
It just feels like one big game to me.
I'm playing a game of chess and I guess I'm still the Pawn cowering at the back while others are out braving the open, some getting removed from the game for making a bad move (seems a bit harsh), some removing others, some getting to the other side and some still nervously working their way across.
Anybody else ever feel this way?
If you feel this is all too personal to write publicly then inbox me: email@example.com
Perhaps we can help one another.
My favorite quote that is soon to be tattooed under my quill on my ankle comes to mind: "Someday Your Ocean Will Find Its Shore."
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
For weeks now I've had this incredible urge to paint on the dust covered canvas that has been lingering in my hallway since my school days.
Yesterday, not being able to take it anymore, I marched to Deckle Edge in Knysna and found myself right at home in the depths of the store.
It amazed me just how comfortable I felt in there, in a way I'd only ever felt comfortable in a library. Some part of me had been crying out to paint for so long; I think that for a while I blocked out my potential creativity.
I've always been so hellbent on writing that I never had time to do anything else... I'm so glad that I finally did because this was my outcome:
I realize that this isn't the most amazing painting in the world and chances of someone actually desiring to hang it in their house is slim... but painting, I've come to realize, is very therapeutic.
As my great quote about this blog goes: "My blog is not about being read, it is about being written." The same applies for my painting.
And, just in my defense, this is the first time I have painted in well over four years and this particular one of a Pitbull took me roughly four hours to draw from scratch, paint and complete.
Upon getting paid this month I will definitely be adding a few bits and bobs to my scarce little art collection, including the most gorgeous little easel that I discovered in Deckle Edge for just R190.00
Anyway, its 05h30 in the morning and I'm as sick as a dog... hmm, how ironic.
Best be off to work.
Happy Tuesday faithful bloggers.
Monday, March 12, 2012
There are thousands of different ways to make Spaghetti Bolognese - I think every person has a unique recipe for such a versatile dish.
I started getting creative and concocting my own Bolognese about two years ago, when my old team from Curves would get together on almost a nightly basis for food and wine.
We'd have massive cook-ups in the bosses kitchen; really he just wanted people to cook him dinner, but my ex co-worker and still good friend and I would become very competitive to see who could win his stomach with our cooking.
Below is my easy-to-follow recipe, please enjoy and let me know what you
What you'll need
- A pack of lean mince
- Tomato and Onion Mix
- 3 green / red chili's
- Chutney Sauce
- Red Wine
- Brown the mince in your pan
- Add in the tomato and onion mix
- Dice up our garlic and chili and scrape into mix
- Add in the mushrooms
- Sprinkle in some salt and pepper and stir well
- Add a big dollop of chutney sauce ( no measurements taken)
- Add more salt and pepper
- Pour a hearty amount of red wine over your mix and let simmer
SA Tip - If it tastes like something is still missing then add a sprinkle of sugar!
Dish up your spaghetti and coat it with this divine bolognese sauce and you will be smiling from ear to ear for the remainder of the evening.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
I recently discovered the joys of Pintrest.
I. Am. Addicted.
Never before have I had so many incredible ideas from DIY, cooking, fashion statements... the best part is that I can document and save every idea with just a click of a button and come back to it later.
The worst part however is that I'm too busy searching for new photographs and ideas that there's no time to actually get cracking on making these things tangible for me!
Time runs away with you when you're on Pintrest.
Procrastination is pretty much your life motto as soon as you sign up - no matter how inspired you feel!!!
I have found the most incredible things, such as a ladder bookcase, a necklace holder made from an old cutlery holder, knit-coated bracelets, tetris shelving.. yes, tetris shelving!
It is the most interesting site around and even more addictive than these social networking sites such as Facebook.
Sign up. Just do it.
And add me :)
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Today is my beautiful mothers 48th birthday.
Yesterday I treated her to a day at the spa where I work.
I booked her in for our amazing Pezula Color Balancing Candle Massage, which is basically a sensorial full body massage with an aromatic fragrance and color of your choice. A soy based candle is used to light up your treatment room, releasing aroma-therapeutic scents, followed by your soothing massage with the soy wax drizzled from the candle, rich in skin nourishing nutrients, (as it is explained in our spa menu, I'm dying to book myself in for this massage!) followed by a manicure and a pedicure.
I didn't want her to spend the day alone so I booked myself in for my favorite: Biosculpture Full Set Overlay on my hands and feet.
We arrived at the spa early, after a stunning breakfast at East Heads Cafe (my favorite little breakfast spot,) and took full advantage of the steam room before our treatments.
Biosculpture is amazing.
I have the worlds thinnest, flimsiest, weakest nails but this gel has done absolute wonders!
It strengthens and encourages growth of your nails with a gorgeous glossy finish that I adore.
I'm a regular nail biter myself and this stuff has almost managed to cure me of my bad habit. It looks far too beautiful to pick at!
I think the thing that made me sign my heart over to biosculpture is that if you decide on getting your nails french manicured / pedicured, you can paint over that with any color of your choice and if you want to remove it with nail polish remover, the french is still underneath. That's why I'd personally advise you get french done, but the choice is entirely up to you.
They stock a range of stunning colors too.
Just do yourself a favor and work a Biosculpture treatment into your budget next month... you won't regret it!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Saying, 'Goodbye,' to your best friend is always next to impossible.
For those of you that know me and read my blog regularly, there is no need to explain who Michael is and what a huge role he has played in my life over the past few years.
He recently informed me that he is leaving South Africa and heading off to Bali to an ashram, where he will be volunteering and really doing something exciting with his life.
It all happened so fast, much like my living situation.
One day he was here and there wasn't a doubt in my mind that he always would.
Next day, I get a text from his Indonesian number telling me he'd arrived safely and surfed into the night.
I said my goodbyes to Michael a few nights ago. It didn't seem real, it still doesn't.
It feels like if I fancy ringing him up and inviting him for dinner or coffee, he'll be there.
I can't believe he's gone.
In a way, Michael was my rock. We didn't see each other all that much but the feeling during the time that we did spend together was like we had never been apart.
We always seemed to kick off from where we left off.
There were always things to be said.
There were always smiles to brighten up each others days and tears of our sorrows and our joys combined.
We were always there for one another.
We always had adventures and met new people.
We always did something new and I would always cherish my moments with him, holding onto them dearly and wishing they would never end.
Now it will be two and a half years until our paths cross again - but I know we are strong enough to stay connected during our time apart.
Two and a half years seems like nothing compared what we have already been through.
We've promised to write each other handwritten letters once a month - no body ever does that anymore.
Nobody ever gets wined and dined.. people nowadays get drunk at a bar and go home together. One of the things that Mike and I have in common is the faith that things don't always have to be that way.
We've also promised to call, especially on the 6th of August, on the anniversary that our beautiful friendship began.
Our friendship started off very rocky - but somehow we managed to breakthrough the drama and blackness and find our way to where we are today.
A beautiful book written by David Nichol has always reminded me of us, it is entitled, 'One Day.' The film is a complete waste of your time though... please read the book instead! A) The directors had to try and fit twenty years into a film-length production, which isn't possible if you want to really show the emotions explained in the novel!! and B) Books are always better than films. Enough said.
Saying goodbye was easier than I thought it would be - because it didn't feel real.
I even got all dramatic and played a CD with a playlist of all the songs we sung along to on our way to the Transkei in December of 2010.
Yet I found myself tearing up because I felt it was what I should be doing.
My emotions and body were confused - I was so heartbroken that tears didn't seem worthy of my sadness.
I was heartbroken, but dazed...
Along my drive after we parted ways all of the best memories I have of us together flashed through my mind one after the other, like a beautiful slideshow.
Only when I curled into bed that night did the emotions flow out of me.
I cried myself to sleep that night.
I don't know why it is that I struggle to show my emotions in front of people, even him.
I have an awful concrete wall surrounding my heart and letting people in is the scariest thing in the world to me.
Though something Michael taught me is that the wall you build around yourself to keep out the pain, also keeps out the joy.
I finally opened up to Michael that night and showed him my worst character flaw, something he never knew about me.
I showed him the one thing about myself that shows I am not as strong as I portray myself to be... and he accepted it; just like he accepts everyone for who they are.
All he and everyone else in this world wants is honestly.
It was absolutely beautiful to be able to really show him every side to me and still feel the love he has for me.
He didn't think of me differently.
If anything - it only made us stronger.
He accepts all of me.
He accepts the world as it is: the ugly, beautiful, chaotic truth.
If you could just spend a day listening to his wise words, your life would change.
He may not realize what an impact he has on so many people, but something about his patience, his voice and words, his soul... its phenomenal.
Everyone in his life is so lucky t0 have him and if you're reading this and you thought of someone else in your life that reminded you of them during these words, then you are lucky too.
People like that don't come around often.
So appreciate, respect, admire and listen to that person.
Michael is so open-minded and caring - yes sometimes he can be unreliable and full of crap but everyone is in their own way, and he knows this about himself.
I'm needy and naggy and full of crap too... we all have something about us that makes us imperfect.
Only if you let someone in completely will the unreliability of yourself, the neediness, the crap be gone.
Once you truly trust someone, everything else just falls away.
But trust is a hard thing to
gain and I wouldn't advise you to let everyone in because everybody is going to hurt you at some stage... you just have to find the ones worth suffering for.
When I was driving that night, two beautiful, large grey owls swooped past my car. One even perched itself on the roadside and stared at me inquisitively and I can't help but think that it means something.. especially on such an emotional night for me.
I just want to wish my amazing friend an absolutely incredible journey.
I'll love you forever and think of you every moment.
"May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your
face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of his hand." Irish Blessing