Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Fifty Shades of Freed by E L James | Book Review

Thank fuck it's over. 

I can (un)proudly say that I have completed the Fifty Shades Trilogy - and as quickly as I snapped the last book shut, all three of them swiftly landed in the 'Throw Away,' pile.

Look - they aren't HORRENDOUS. I suppose the story-line is kind of intriguing and all that but I just can't get over the repetitive 'cocking his head to one side,', 'oh my's!' and 'Holy Fuck's!' the pages are filled with.

It takes a lot to piss me off - but this will do it.

Reading about the life of a nymphomaniac is not as interesting as it may seem.

For those of you who may have been living under a rock for the last while and need a little updating on the whole Fifty Shades thing... the basic story-line is this:
Ana Steele stumbles helplessly (as she does,) into Christian Grey's office when she tries to help her best friend out by interviewing him for an article. Christian Grey is loaded - in more ways than one.... and if you know anything about this book and you didn't smirk at that then you have absolutely no humor at all. Just saying.
Anyway - yes, the guys some big shot, multi-billionaire that loves to dominate women. He used to have 'Subs' that would sign contracts with him and practically be his sexual slaves which is pretty much what he forced sweet little, innocent Ana into at first, But the girls got balls.... and he falls for it big time.
He likes the challenge she brings forward for him and so he changes his ways - insert knee-trembling 'awwwww' sounds here.
The two get married - get attacked, get pregnant, get attacked again.. there's kidnappings and guns, accusations and fights and drama, saucy ass sex scenes, safe-words, playrooms, butt-plugs and tears and snot etc etc etc.... It is a roller-coaster of mangled never ending events that makes you keep wondering what on earth happens next.
Got to hand it to E L James - she knows how to hook you one way or another.

I'll admit that the first book was pretty cool because the whole Fifty Shades phenomenon was so fresh and new - we'd never really read anything like it. Slowly but surely however, you realize all Christian Grey wants to do is fuck. Ana isn't much better - in between talking about her weird subconscious  and 'Inner bloody Goddess' and playing this sweet little innocent act, I just want to throttle her. 

Hated it. 
Hated it, hated it, hated it. 

It's one of those really annoying books that really does have SOMETHING that hooks you though!!! Whether it be crazy psychopaths trying to murder Mr. Rich Sex Addict or sexually assaulting the God awful Anastasia Steele - E.L. James does sneakily know how to reel you in. Urgh. Urgh - and URGH. 

I don't know why I even bothered to read them if I'm honest - but once I've started something I HAVE to finish it. It's a really annoying trait of mine when it comes to reading a book. 

I'm still pretty interested and perhaps even slightly excited to see the first Fifty Shades film which gets released in February next year. What a hilarious film to watch for Valentine's Day. Bwahahaha. Sorry - I just cannot contain my twisted side.

Here's the trailer to Fifty Shades of Grey:

Spicy, right!?

Something tells me that with the right actors and director, this book may just be salvageable.

Have you read it or do you intend to? What were your thoughts? 
Will you be one of those people queuing at the cinema, dying to see HOW this could possibly be filmed without being classified as porn?
I know I will be - peer pressured I tell you. 

And to end this post - I thought I'd share a sneak peak as to what I will be starting to read now that E L James is out of my life:

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. 

I am so excited to read this book before I see the film and I have read some pretty great reviews on it too. I'm in the mood for something a bit creepy and thrilling. 

Something with a bit of 'umph.'

Have any of you read this???? 

I'd love your thoughts and opinions. 
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  1. I read the trilogy in a couple weeks when it came out. I was unimpressed. I'm told the plot line is modeled after twilight, which accounts for the ridiculousness of all the attacks and drama. I wasn't thoroughly impressed by the sex in the book, after a while it all seemed the same, and just a way to add heft to the book. Ana royally bugged me, and the description of Christian left me feeling like he was a nancy. Maybe it's just me but I prefer a big hunky knight, or lumberjack or something, not a suit wearing clean freak. I don't know I was not impressed. I haven't read gone girl yet, but it's on my list, one day. A long with about a thousand others.

  2. Read fifty shades. It's overrated. Gone Girl is so AH-MAZING! Don't watch the movie or read any spoilers! Her other two books Sharp Objects and Dark Places are just as great!

  3. Haha I see we have same opinion about Fifty. I liked first book, but like you I hated phrase ,,my inner goddes" and some others which I can´t remember now. I hate Anna´s personality sometimes too, she was just so stupid sometimes. But I can´t wait to see movie either, I´m curious how they gonna make ,,these" scences, because eventually it shouldn´t be a porn after all. :)
    Fashion Happenss

  4. This is so funny! At first I wanted to read it and then I read all the reviews and was really turned off. I don't plan to read the book or watch the movie. You'll have to give us a review if you decide to watch the movie :).


  5. I haven't read them yet , but i am looking forward to seeing the film when it is released in February like you said.

    Nice review.



  6. Oh my gosh, I started reading the first 50 shades and didn't continue.. so I really need to. I have also heard such great reviews about Gone Girl. So hopefully you shouldn't be disappointed. :)

    ~ Lu

  7. i need some humor in my life and this book sounds perfect for that
    Keep in touch

  8. Bahahahaha! I read this when all that hype was around everywhere. I didn't buy them thankfully, a friend leant me her copies. Man that was a hard read. It was pretty much predictable for me since it is essentially Twilight plus porn. And yeah, I hated it. The "oh my's" had me hate, hate, hatin'. It pisses me off actually, something like that can reach such fame when there are so many talented writers struggling to even get their stories down period. And the damn movie coming out. Blah, not going to watch it. You may as well rent a porno. At least the plot in that one would more more interesting loooooo.


  9. I heard the cutie on Sons of Anarchy was taken off of the Fifty Shades of Gray film... I still might watch it, though, as it piques my curiosity a bit. :) I definitely want to see Gone Girl. I've heard it's pretty good and I adore thrillers! Hugs on your day! T. http://tickledpinkwoman.blogspot.com

  10. OMG. I finished the 50 Shades series and they were terrible. I hate all the repetitive lines. Even the steamy scenes always felt copy-pasted to me. How many times did the author write "his words are my undoing"? LOL. I have heard good things about Gone Girl though! <3


  11. As you know, from my post on it (http://flynnigans.blogspot.ca/2014/10/gone-girl-spoiler-alert.html), I thought the movie was fantastic. Sure, some details are omitted but nothing critical to the plot I would say.

    Fifty Shades, I have no interest in reading nor seeing. I'm just tired of all the hype, I'm not typically a follower so I don't want to simply read it or see the movie just because others have. To each his own, though, right?


  12. i've not read fifty shades, but liked reading your review. maybe it's something so awful that i need to read the books in the end, haha.. i've heard loads of good things about gone girl though, and need to read it before seeing the film as well:-) x

  13. Hahahahahaha! I am not reading the books or seeing the movies. I saw the twilight movies when I knew they would be wank and that was bad enough.

    Corinne x

  14. OK so "Gone Girl" is next on my list to read. I saw the movie and I heard the book is just as good. Damn I loved the movie. So YES on your review of 50 Shades of Grey. I can't applaud you enough. I read the first book which was OK. I have had the second book for 2 years now and have not even started it. The books are a slap in the face to people who are actually into BDSM and the lifestyle... and the story was just kind of all around stupid and way too out there. I guess if you take the book with a grain of salt it could be enjoyable, ha. I will see the movie just because I am that damn curious to see how it will turn out without being classified as a porn because it felt like majority of the book was just that - sex.
    Anyways, I also want to tell you that you are drop dead gorgeous and I love your blog design. I hope we can be friends girl!!!


  15. I have not read the book yet and I'd do it before seeing the movie.
    I liked the post.

  16. I have the books, but haven't read them yet. The truth is that I don't feel like it. I hope you like the new book.

    Jasmine x
    For a Real Woman - Instagram - Bloglovin

  17. I hated the 50 Shades of Grey series but I felt like I had to finish it. I couldn't understand why everyone else was loving it. May be I am just a prude. I'm seeing Gone Girl on the weekend I haven't read the book yet though. Last weekend I saw Maze Runner and I loved it and I hadn't read the book so I'm going to stick with that theme for a while. Cause your always disappointed if you read the book first.

  18. I did not read 50 Shades. I heard enough about it that I didn't want to. Sounds like you felt the same way about it. I did read Gone Girl. It was pretty good. Very suspenseful and it pulls you into it, but I found some parts of it very hard to believe. So if you can suspend your disbelief, you will probably like it.


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