Saturday, February 14, 2015

Valentines Day 2015


There's a quote that goes something like this:

"You have to love yourself before anyone else can." 

This is something I have been trying to practice a lot over the past few months.... to love myself. That's never been an easy thing for me.
A lot of things took place in my younger days that drilled thoughts that I wasn't worth loving into my head.

See, I've been dangling myself off of the edge of the world for a long time now. Darting from here to there - never able to find peace in my soul. 
Something was wrong. 
After a heartbreak so intense it very nearly killed me - I scattered my life into a million different pieces. 
I wanted everything - and I wanted nothing all at once. 
I couldn't choose between left or right, this road or that.
So I continually did whatever my heart desired, without often thinking of the consequences. It was selfish, sporadic and staggeringly dangerous.  
Through it all, I put myself into some really stupid situations - but I wouldn't change any of it. I regret nothing barring the pain I caused upon others during my outlandish fantasies. 

Over the past few years, I have been in no position to be a girlfriend, a friend or even a daughter.
How could someone love you when you didn't even love yourself?
So my goal was simple - to figure out why I was worth loving. 
That is a lot harder than it may seem... especially for a mid-twenties girl who'd dabbled with drugs and got in too deep before she knew what hit her. 

I think it was the day I had a complete breakdown and made the scariest decision of my life (to tell my parents that I'd been using drugs and that I needed help,) that I started to love myself. 
I made a decision that I was better than this life I was leading and so I changed it. 
It wasn't easy. Far from it. 
There were the cravings... the self-loathing... the actual relapses... the meaningless jobs that I skipped between... becoming a 'mistress' to a married man which you can read about in my latest book being released later this year.
There was the depression and the anxiety, the panic attacks and pure sorrow that fueled my existence. 
It was hard. 

But slowly, very slowly... I started to bloom inside. 
I started to travel and take courses to gain degrees and diplomas. I started writing novels and reading books by the likes of Eckhart Tolle and M. Scott Peck.
I started hiking and surfing, exploring all of the good that the world had to offer.
Traces of a me I'd never known before but had always wanted to started to reveal itself to me.
I was turning into the woman that I had always wanted to become:
Hard-working, ambitious and spiritual. 
There was a blanket of peace and tranquility that had wrapped itself snugly around me that I'd never thought I'd find. 

I was starting to forgive myself.

Today, on the 14th February 2015, I can confidently say that I am happy. 
I have had a hard past filled with darkened corners, severe heartache and turmoil... but I have gotten through it. 
I found the light at the end of the tunnel. 

So I'll end today's post like this:

Don't try and find happiness through someone else. 
Find happiness within yourself and then share that happiness with others. 
Don't rely on someone else to take away your pain and make you feel loved. 
Make yourself feel loved. 
You're worth it.

Happy Valentines Day.

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33 comments:

  1. Girl, believe me when I tell you that I know how difficult the journey is towards learning to love and value yourself. I salute you for not giving up and for being determined to find it. You are definitely glowing in that dress.

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  2. It so true that self love is not selfishness it just a way to make others know your worth. And your journey to self discovering and love makes you appreciate you more. So happy for you.

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  3. I completely agree with you. I'm sorry that you've had to endure so much, but in the end it's worth it. When I met my boyfriend, I was in this great place. I had goals, ambition, and a personality all my own. He makes me EXTRA happy, but I made myself happy first. It was so worth the work on myself before I got into a romantic relationship. I hope life has some great things in store for you.

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  4. You have a great blog !
    Would you like to follow each other on GFC and Bloglovin ? ♥
    www.blog017.blogspot.com
    Love from Poland :)

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  5. Have a wonderful Valentines Day!
    We do not really celebrate this day over here... or better, my husband and I celebrate it every day so we do not need Feb 14th for it ;)
    Anyway, have a wonderful day!
    xx

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  6. What a beautiful and honest post!! I totally agree with that quote, and that is probably why I'm single atm.
    It must have been so hard opening up to your parents about your struggles but you are proof that things can get better xx

    LauraThinksAbout

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  7. love it and I have always believed in this <3 and you look awesome girl!

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  8. Oh I so agree with this:
    "Don't try and find happiness through someone else. "

    If you can't love yourself and truly like yourself, you can never truly, fully and completely love someone else.

    Hope you're doing well, lovely. xox

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  9. Congratulations, dear Jade! You are not only honest but obviously really couraged <3 I'm so happy to read that today you are happy after the difficult struggles you had in your life. You can really be proud on yourself and I know not everybody would be able to came out from such a challening situation like you did it.

    All the best for you and I wish you by all my heart that you further will be happy <3

    Happy Valentine's Day!

    xx from Germany/Bavaria, Rena
    www.dressedwithsoul.com

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  10. Your journey to find yourself sounds great, and also like you really embraced life!

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  11. Happy Valentine's Day! So glad to hear you were able to get the help you needed and that life is so good for you now. :)

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  12. This post was refreshingly transparent. It sounds like you have made some great choices in changing and learning to love yourself more. I think that is something that so many of us struggle with. You have done a beautiful job of putting it all into words. I love your Valentines Day outfit!

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  13. i think the thing with love is that you don't necessarily need to be worth it, it's not something you deserve, but something that you can receive and give if you only allow yourself to do so. but it sounds like you've had such a long journey to this day and learning to love yourself, you should be proud of yourself (and i'm sure you are)! self-love definitely isn't the easiest thing for everyone, and anyone at times. love your ending words, so true! :-) xxx

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  14. Jade... you could have been writing about me... after my break up and losing him as my best friend, I spun out of control and I was no good for anybody.. Oh yes, loving ourselves.... it's hard isn't it, we know all our darkness's... with all of that though, I have come to love myself. You and I seem to have taken the same road, except I never traveled... I would have if I was single but I am a mama and she comes first (although I was selfish there too because of the pain)... You are pretty amazing xox

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  15. Beautiful post, Jade! So very true: we must first love ourselves before we can ever begin to love others. You look lovely, Sweetie! T. http://tickledpinkwoman.blogspot.com

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  16. This is such an inspiring post. I agree with everything that you've written.

    Janelle | Styles & Prints

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  17. This is a great post Jade, I'm so happy that you are in a much better place today. I hope things continue to grow in the positive direction full of self love and pure happiness.

    Silvia

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  18. Wow, what a wonderful post! I agree with everything you said, and I love the cute outfit too!

    http://ourruins.com

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  19. Oh Jade, this is a wonderful post. I am so glad you were able to go through, and finally be happy and love yourself. xxx

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  20. Very well said love. Completely agree with you. I took had taken 3 years off dating to just see about myself and tho it may have seemed selfish, it truly helped me be who I am today. So proud and so happy for you.
    You look gorgeous.

    Hope your Valentines Day was a beautiful one. <3

    xx

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  21. Wow Jade. I can't imagine how hard this must have been to not only jot down but share with us. Thank you. You do have to love yourself and believe in yourself because if you don't then who will. We all go through tough and dark times and it's a blessing to those who recognise the journey and make changes. Not everyone wakes up and decides to give themselves more than what they've settled for.

    P.S: I am so thrilled you are happy right now. You deserve every single second of happiness and love my dear.
    Sxx
    www.daringcoco.com

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  22. I love your outfit! What a pretty ensemble! Hope you got to go out looking like that!
    Also, what an honest post! IT's so refreshing to read something like this. Not often you find a post so raw and unfiltered. Thank you!

    http://mystery-girl007.blogspot.com/

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  23. hello I like your blog :) new followers on GFC please follow me ;) thanks
    http://shanaticlandiablog.blogspot.it/

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  24. You are beautiful! Love this look on you!
    You’re definitely my inspiration!
    Much love, Vanessa
    www.whatwouldvwear.net

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  25. I have so much respect for anyone who fell rock bottom but instead of continuing feeling sorry for themselves, they fight their way up again. So much respect for you. You're right, you can't love anyone if you don't love yourself. It's so good to see you at peace now, you deserve the happiness. xx

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

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  26. I'm glad you were able to make it through the dark times and find the light! I have been working on trying to find happiness in little every day things, it's crazy how easy it is to sink into a funk and not even realize it.

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  27. Beautiful! It's always amazing to hear someone's story about how they got through a really hard time and the strength they acquired through the process. You're amazing and I'm glad you can say you love yourself. Not many people can say that. And I think that's amazing.
    Olivia |Her Name Was Celebration

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  28. I completely agree with you - you definitely need to love yourself first and be happy with who you are. For the longest time when I was younger (in high school) I thought that I needed a guy to prove to myself that I was pretty, worth someone's time and important... I thought that I couldn't live without a man and now I know perfectly well that I can be fine and happy without one :)

    Jessica
    the.pyreflies.org

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  29. So happy to hear it gets better! I know it is really hard to find a reason to love yourself, but once you see the light side in things, everything gets more beautiful. And traveling is wodnerful way to love and get to know yourself better :))
    Have a lovely day!
    GlitterCircus

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  30. Such a great post! YOU are beautiful, inside and out!!!
    Happy Monday!
    xoxo, Vanessa
    http://www.whatwouldvwear.net

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  31. So beautifully written Jade! BTW after reading some of the travel blogs you shared, I discovered and particularly liked Hippie in Heels who is based in Goa. Now I used to frequent goa a lot a few years ago but sadly wasn't able to take a single holiday in the past few years. That was till Valentine's eve when my boyfriend and I went partying, had a couple of drinks and decided to drive down to goa! We spent a whole week chilling by the ocean and generally having a blast so I am so happy that I finally had a nice valentines and a nice holiday after years :) BTW I'm finally back to the blog!
    xx
    www.junewantsitall.com

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Jade